Looking Back. Please Do.

A poem I remember from the girls' restroom stall doors in middle school:

If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat.

Today I would add a second verse:

If you're a squatter, 
you will sprinkle--
In fact, you're probably sprinkling right now
Thank you for remembering the woman who will follow you into this stall.

And no, this verse doesn't rhyme and there's nothing clever about it. I have nothing against squatters and even kind of admire them for the balance required. In fact, I could have used a lesson in squatting before I went to Bosnia, Tunisia and even Kenya where I was introduced to "squatty potties"--basically holes in the floor. This message is to squatters who, for the love of clean, dry spaces, need to remember to check the seat before leaving restroom stalls.

From potty training days, I was taught, before sitting, to dress the seat with paper anytime I was in need and away from home. Some of my friends were taught to hover. Though I remain fairly consistent with my own practice, I have at times foolishly trusted myself to the management and/or to the woman who "went" before.  I have learned over the decades of visiting both public and corporate restrooms, though admittedly I sometimes get lazy or forget, that there are some things you should do every time, no matter what--like wearing a seat belt when the vehicle is in motion and looking both ways before crossing the road. So when I visit a public restroom, whether restaurant, gas station or church (yes, church!), I know that I should always inspect before sitting because the person who used it first may never have looked back.

To women who are not in the habit of dressing and sitting, some of us would be so grateful if you'd just turn and look behind you. What you find is most likely there every time you've used a public restroom. And that any trusting person who comes behind you and sits has directed some pretty rancorous thoughts in your direction, if not actual words.

One of my dearest and oldest friends from church wants me to give a public announcement before the Sunday service, asking the women to please give attention to this matter; "love the neighbor who will follow after," she wants me to say, or, at the very least, "please be neat…" It's also been suggested, perhaps by me, that we begin a Women's Restroom Awareness Week.

Most likely an announcement would do no good for the situation in the bathroom; half the people in the congregation are men who wouldn't be caught dead in a restroom marked "women,"  though I know a few men who have on occasion stepped into one by accident. And I have no doubt that those to whom the announcement is directed would miss that it's for them. Even if we posted that middle school poem on the door of every one of the 38+ stalls in the church, the word "if" would for many simply be a loop hole, and my added verse wouldn't fly. For one thing its way too absolute, and many women, even the "sprinklers," would be offended to have any potty material posted--especially in church where we don't ever want to hear the words "squat," "restroom" and "women" used in the same sentence. Though there are times when I am in possession of a microphone in church, and though the subject is certainly announcement-worthy, I am reasonably certain that making such an announcement would insure that it would be my last. Ever.

So, until all women become aware or care about what is happening behind them in public restrooms --until squatters become believers--it's up to you, sitters, to make sure the coast is clear.

And to those of you who do care, please be neat and wipe the seat.


PS When I was in "restroom training" as a child, I even lined the seat at my grandmother's home until she protested and promised that nothing bad would happen to me if I didn't. Evidently she believed that everyone in the house was a sitter.