Nursery Conversation

Mike: Hey Bill. Read me a story.

Bill: I’m reading my own story. Ask Mom.

Mike: I’m not talking to Mom anymore.

Bill: Why not?

Mike: I don’t believe in her.

Bill: What?

Mike: You heard me. I don’t believe in Mom anymore.

Bill: You don’t believe in Mom-- again?

Mike: No.

Bill: Ok. Why don’t you believe in Mom today?

Mike: I ask her to give me things and she doesn’t listen to me.

Bill: What things?

Mike: I asked for jelly beans for dinner tonight and I got chicken.

Bill: Jelly beans? For dinner?

Mike: Yes. I asked Mom for the jelly beans and I didn’t get them.

Bill: Ok, so you didn’t get jelly beans for dinner. For crying out loud, Mike—you say mom doesn’t listen to you, but it’s really YOU that’s not listening.

Mike: I’m not listening???

Bill: Well, didn’t you wet the bed last night?

Mike: Yeah, so?

Bill: So how do your sheets smell tonight?

Mike: They smell ok.

Bill: Does a wet bed smell OK?

Mike: No.

Bill: So why do you think the bed smells good today?

Mike: The sheets got changed.

Bill: Did you change the sheets?

Mike: Of course not! Why would I do that?

Bill: Did you ask anyone—Mom—to change them?

Mike: No.

Bill: Why did she change your sheets?

Mike: I don't know.

Bill: Oh for the love-- Are you hungry right now?

Mike: No.

Bill: No, you’re not hungry because you just had a snack.

Mike: So?

Bill: So where did that snack come from?

Mike: The grocery store?

Bill: Did you go to the grocery store for the food?

Mike: No.

Bill: Right. Who did?

Mike: Mom.

Bill: Why?

Mike: Ok, Ok, I know. But I wanted jelly beans for dinner.

Bill: What are jelly beans made of?

Mike: Fruit?

Bill: No. Sugar. And what does too much sugar do to you?

Mike: I don't know.

Bill: Does it add anything good to your body? Make you healthier? Stronger?

Mike: Sugar tastes good.

Bill: Right. And last week it was fun to play in the street; and the week before that you wanted to play with Dad’s power saw; and the week before that you got sent to your room because you bit your friend. Such fun things, right Mike? Mom saves your butt and every time she does it’s either “mom doesn’t love me” or “I don’t believe in mom.”

Mike: Right.

Bill: So what if she let you eat jelly beans, play in the street, play with the saw or do whatever you want to your friends?

Mike: I don't know.

Bill: Oh, you do so know! Your teeth will rot out of your head and then you won’t want jelly beans or anything else for that matter; you’ll get hit by a car, you’ll cut your hand or finger off; and eventually you’ll have no friends and might even get sued for abusing kids. Man, you really need get some eyes to see how good you have it. Mom listens to you and watches you always. You know that. So would you please ask her to read that story to you? You know she will.

Mike: Ok. Do you think she’ll read this one?

Bill: Which one?

Mike: This one.

Bill: Oh, man, you are hopeless.